What to Expect when you don't want to be Expecting

If any of you have read my wife's blog you know carrying babies is quite an ordeal for her. We talked it over and decided that a vasectomy was the best route for both of us. Since I am down to a 4 day week now it seemed like setting up an appointment for a Friday was a good idea.

The scariest part of the whole experience came the night before the procedure. Before going I had to shave the area where the incisions would be made. I must say my amateur self down there with a razor scared me far more than a trained professional down there with a scalpel. It also took me about 3 times as long to accomplish this task as it took the doctor to accomplish the vasectomy.

The morning of the procedure I got up and made breakfast for my two sons. This is something I usually do on "Daddy Days" which is what we call all the days I don't work. I figured I wouldn't be able to do this for them the next day so I wanted to make sure I did it for them that morning. They had no knowledge of why I was going to the doctor, but they were being very sweet and funny. Looking at them at the table eating their muffins and smiling I realized that I was totally okay with this decision. They are more than I could ever have hoped for and are far more wonderful than I could possibly deserve. I love my boys very much and I know that they love me.

I had to have a driver for this procedure because they give you Valium before the procedure. Any time you are offered Valium take it. I'll elaborate on that later. We were unable to find a baby sitter, so the whole family got to go along with me for my appointment. Carson kept saying he wanted to go in with me and I kept assuring him he did not.

When I got to the office to sign in was the first time I realized that it was Friday the 13th. I am not a superstitious person, but for this it still made me cringe for a second. When the doctor first came in I asked him if his first name was Jason. He said no and asked why. I told him I was just joking because it was Friday the 13th. He said he had not realized that and maybe that was why they had so many people chicken out today. I still can't believe I unknowingly scheduled my vasectomy for Friday the 13th. I guess next time I fly I'll purchase a ticket for flight 5050.

The actual procedure was really not bad at all. Of course there was that previously mentioned Valium that I'm sure helped. I don't know if all doctors take this first step, but again if you are considering this I suggest looking for one that does.

After everything was complete they brought my wife in for the after care instructions. They could tell I was a little out of it. I was making jokes that I don't remember that may or may not have been funny and may or may not have been appropriate. I do remember picking up the little model of the male inner workings and pointing to the vas and saying to the nurse "hey this guys been snipped hasn't he?" As it turns out I was right about the model and I could tell that the nurse was very impressed by my medical knowledge, or maybe she wasn't.

My wife also told me the nurse commented that I had quite a lot of volume remaining that would have to be cleared. Now if you let a man know that anything positive was mentioned about anything to do with his "maleness" and size or in this case volume you are opening a door that is likely best left closed. This is especially compounded when for lack of a better term that man is high on something. I can't remember exactly what I said but I do remember being very proud and having my wife clarify what was said a few different times. I guess maybe I am still young and dumb. If you get that reference you are laughing right now. If you don't get it I won't explain it here.

When you get home from one of these you have to ice the area for the first twelve hours. This is about as much fun as it sounds. I waited as long as I possibly could before going to the bathroom for the first time. I really didn't want to see it. I finally couldn't wait any longer, and I have to say their had been quite a bit of bleeding. This prompted a call to the doctor and I was assured that everything was normal. Now we are just down to the waiting and testing. Hopefully I pass.

If any of you still are wondering about the procedure the doctor allowed me to video it. I was curious about what it actually looked like being performed, but I knew I didn't want to watch it live. It is from a tripod so it is not the best quality, but I really didn't want to invite a videographer into the room. Now I will caution you that there is blood and nudity involved so if you aren't up for something graphic don't click the video link. I went ahead and hosted it on my own website because I wasn't sure it would be okay with the blogger terms of use.

Video of My Vasectomy